Setting Realistic Expectations: Redefining “Having It All”

16 February 2025

Parenting in the modern world is nothing short of a juggling act. Between work obligations, social commitments, self-care, and raising kids, it often feels like there's simply not enough time in the day. We’re constantly bombarded with images on social media of supermoms or superdads who seem to have nailed every aspect of life—whether it’s a thriving career, a perfectly maintained home, or kids who always seem to be dressed in trendy, matching outfits. It’s easy to start thinking, "Why can’t I do that too?"

The truth is, the idea of “having it all” can sometimes turn into a race to an impossible finish line. It's time for a reality check: no one has it all, at least not all at once. And that's OK. The key to a fulfilling and balanced life isn’t in trying to do everything perfectly—it's about setting realistic, manageable expectations for yourself and learning to embrace the beauty in imperfection.

In this post, we’re going to explore how to redefine “having it all” and offer some practical tips for setting realistic expectations in your parenting journey.

The Myth of “Having It All”

We've all heard the term before: “having it all.” It’s this glossy, unattainable concept that suggests we can be perfect parents, successful professionals, doting partners, and still find time for self-care and hobbies—all while getting eight hours of sleep. Sounds exhausting, right?

But where did this idea come from? Social media and popular culture often romanticize the idea of multitasking, especially for parents. We grow up seeing images of flawless women (and increasingly dads) balancing babies on one hip while replying to work emails and sipping organic green juice. But is that real life? In most cases, no. It’s Instagram life.

The myth of having it all often leads to burnout, guilt, and even resentment. When we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves, anything less feels like failure. And that’s just not fair to us or to our families. So let’s bust this myth right now: You don’t have to have it all, and you certainly don’t have to do it all right now.

Instead of chasing after this imaginary idea of perfection, let’s focus on what's really important—setting expectations that align with our own unique circumstances and needs.

Why Setting Realistic Expectations Matters

So why is it important to set realistic expectations, particularly as parents? Well, let’s be real—parenting is one of the hardest jobs there is. It demands both mental and physical stamina, and it's full of surprises. No matter how organized you are or how many checklists you make, there will always be moments of chaos.

Setting realistic expectations helps to reduce stress and prevent burnout. When we continuously push ourselves to meet impossible standards, we set ourselves up for disappointment and frustration. But when we allow ourselves a little grace and redefine what success looks like, we can avoid that spiral of self-criticism.

Avoiding the Perfection Trap

One of the main reasons we struggle with setting realistic expectations is the overwhelming pressure to be perfect. Whether it's from societal norms, family expectations, or our own internal dialogue, it’s easy to fall into the perfectionist trap. We want to be the "perfect" parent, the "perfect" spouse, and the "perfect" employee.

But here's the truth: Perfection doesn't exist. And the constant chase for it is exhausting.

Think of perfection like chasing a rainbow. It seems so close, but the moment you think you've caught it, it slips further away. And in that relentless pursuit, you often miss out on the beauty that’s right in front of you—your messy, beautiful, perfectly imperfect life.

The Power of Saying “No”

An essential part of setting realistic expectations is learning to say no. Between late-night work emails, PTA meetings, playdates, and dinner with friends, it's tempting to try and fit everything in. But guess what? It’s okay to say no. In fact, sometimes it’s necessary.

Saying no to unnecessary obligations allows you to say yes to the things that matter most—whether it’s spending time with your partner, reading a bedtime story to your little one, or simply having five minutes of quiet to yourself.

Remember: Saying no doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re prioritizing.

Redefining What "Success" Looks Like

Success isn’t about checking off every single task on your to-do list or being perfect in every role you play. True success in parenting is more about being present and intentional with your time and energy.

Sure, there will be days when you crush it at work, make dinner from scratch, and help your kids with their homework without breaking a sweat. And there will also be days when cereal for dinner and screen time become your go-to. Both of these are okay.

Let’s redefine success as progress over perfection and quality over quantity. If your kids feel loved, if you’re feeding your mind, body, and spirit, you’re already winning at this parenting thing.

Here are a few ways you can shift your mindset to embrace this new definition of success:

1. Embrace Flexibility

Rigid schedules and expectations are a recipe for frustration. Life, especially life with kids, is unpredictable. Sometimes, your day won’t go as planned, and that’s okay.

Instead of focusing on doing things “perfectly,” focus on simply doing your best with what you have at that moment. Some days you’ll have energy for a five-course meal, and other days, frozen pizza will do. Being flexible allows you to adapt to the ebbs and flows of your day rather than battle against them.

2. Take Small Wins

Not every day will feel like a giant leap forward, and that’s totally fine. Look for the small wins in your day—these are often the moments that make the biggest difference.

Did you manage to sit down for five minutes and enjoy a cup of coffee? Small win. Did your toddler finally eat something that wasn’t a chicken nugget? Huge win! Celebrating these small victories can shift your perspective and help you focus on what truly matters.

3. Be Kind to Yourself

This one might be the hardest of all. We are often our own worst critics. The next time you catch yourself feeling guilty for not getting it all done or for handling a situation less than perfectly, ask yourself: Would I say this to a friend?

Chances are, you’d offer them encouraging words and remind them they’re only human. So, why not extend the same kindness to yourself? Parenting is tough, and there’s no rulebook. Give yourself credit for showing up and doing your best.

The Balance Myth: Why It’s Okay To Have Seasons

Balance is another buzzword that comes up whenever we talk about “having it all.” Work-life balance, parenting balance—it’s everywhere. But here’s the thing: Balance is fluid, not static. You won’t always have a perfect 50/50 split between your work, family, and personal life. And that’s completely normal!

Think about it this way: Life happens in seasons. There are busy seasons where work consumes more of your attention, or your kids require extra care. Then, there are lighter seasons where you can focus more on yourself or your hobbies. Trying to keep everything balanced all the time is like trying to keep a seesaw perfectly level—nearly impossible.

Instead of striving for an impossible balance, recognize and embrace the different seasons of your life. Some areas will need more attention at times, and others will take a back seat. As long as you’re making conscious choices about these shifts, you’re still maintaining a healthy balance, even if it doesn’t look like the traditional sense of the word.

Practical Tips for Setting Realistic Expectations

Now that we've talked about why setting realistic expectations matters, let’s dive into some practical strategies you can start using today to cultivate a more balanced and fulfilling life.

1. Prioritize What Truly Matters

Start by identifying the most important aspects of your life. What are your non-negotiables? If quality time with your family is a top priority, make sure it gets a dedicated spot in your calendar. If keeping a spotless home isn’t as important to you, be okay with letting that expectation go (or hiring help if you can).

2. Set Daily and Weekly Intentions

Intentions are different from goals. They’re less about checking things off a to-do list and more about how you want to feel and experience your day. Each morning, take a minute to ask yourself what your top intentions are for the day. Maybe it's to stay patient with your kids or be fully present during family dinner. These small intentions add up and help you feel more grounded.

3. Establish Boundaries

Learn to set boundaries with your time and energy. This might mean limiting screen time at work or saying no to another extracurricular activity for your kids. Boundaries help protect your well-being and prevent you from overextending yourself.

4. Ask for Help

There’s no shame in asking for help, whether it’s from a partner, family member, or friend. As the saying goes, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Don’t feel like you have to do it all on your own.

In Conclusion: Redefining “Having It All”

At the end of the day, redefining “having it all” is about recognizing that _you_ are more than enough, just as you are. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being present, flexible, and kind to yourself.

Life doesn’t need to be perfectly orchestrated to be fulfilling and meaningful. So take a deep breath, let go of the unrealistic ideals, and focus on the moments that truly bring joy to you and your family. You’ve got this.